Poker Night in America. The Consultologist

From Rams Head Center Stage at Maryland Live, this is Poker Night in America.

– Welcome to Poker Night in America. I’m your host, Chris Hanson. Tonight we continue our cash games series in the Rams Head Center Stage at Maryland Live. We’ve got some notable faces at the table, including Phil Hellmuth, Greg Merson, and then some guy named Dumpster Joe. It must be trashed day, because all this guy has been doing is collecting.

Let’s take a look at the chip counts. Day one chip stacks, continuing on here. Two winners, and a bunch of losers thus far.

Tom Schneider and local Joe Butts have been dominating the table thus far here in Maryland. – [Joe] That’s a hard decision to make with 1,800 in front of you. – [Chris] And that is Dumpster Joe Butts sitting just to the left of Phil Hellmuth. – Oh my god, Joe. Are you commenting on poker play now, too? – No.

– It’s one thing to listen to you make fun of me every hand, it’s another thing if you want enter our arena. Here, we’ll put 2,000 up on the side. Here, we’ll play the hand blind. Let’s gamble a little bit. – I’m sure you’d like to gamble.

– Alright. Whatever. [bleeps].

– I’m not a gambler, I’m a poker player. – Alright. – [Robert] I’m more of a gambler. (laughing) – [Tom] I’m not a poker player, I’ve proven that. – [Joe] I’m not a poker player, I’m a gambler.

– I have proven that I am not a poker player. – [Phil] No, listen, Joe. I don’t mind you making fun of me, and just coming after me for no reason – I wasn’t making fun of you. I was just asking you. – Oh, you’re not going to let me talk at all?

Well, go ahead. When you’re done, let me talk. – I’m sorry. – I don’t mind you trying to make fun of me and all this little, all these little games, but please don’t comment on poker. – I didn’t comment on poker.

I commented on the $1,800 stack. It’s kind of hard to fold with a top pair, isn’t it? 1,800 bucks?

– Nope. – Alright. – [Phil H.] Now, see, you’re wrong again, too. I didn’t have 1,800 bucks.

– [Joe] I didn’t say I was right. I didn’t say I was right. – You seem like a nice guy, Joe, but– – I am a nice guy. – you don’t have to attack me.

– I am a nice guy, sir, and I am allowed to say whatever I would like to say. I was not offensive. – [Chris] Well, it’s nice to see that Phil Hellmuth and Dumpster Joe have a nice relationship budding here.

– I got some nice ones I might break out. – [Chris] Schneider with absolutely nothing fires 1,500 on the turn. – [Greg] I just threw them on. – When you get a little older, you get the ones where you have, like, the reader part on the bottom. – Check blind, sir.

– [Robert] The line in the middle, the magic line. – [Tom] Let’s see if the spade comes out there. – [Phil H.] So I can see my cards down here. – Oh, okay.

– I’m just tired, and these bright lights, man. I’m cracking under the pressure. – [Chris] And Schneider’s going to take one more swing at this pot. – I call. – [Chris] And the correct call, from Dumpster Joe.

– I think mine might be 800. – I might have you topped. – [Chris] Interesting that Tom Schneider showed his bluff there.

– Dump dumpy. – [Greg Where are you from? – Phoenix. – [Greg] Ah. – They have this tournament, the Arizona State Championships. It’s kind of cool – [Russell] That’s a good one.

1K buy in, one million guaranteed prize pool, Greggy. – [Robert] And you can play each starting day. There’s like three starting days. All that.

– [Brian] Greg you won, like, eight million. One million guaranteed is not getting him out of bed. Yeah, what is this? – [Phil H.] Yeah, Greggy won eight million, he’s like, one million guaranteed? Whatever.

– [Tom] Yeah, what’s first place? – [Brian] He’s like, yeah, if I’m guaranteed to win the entire prize pool, maybe I’ll play. – [Tom] Yeah. – [Robert] Can we just play for it all? Put it together? – Yeah, right, put it together, yeah.

(laughs) – You guys have got me. Joe, you got me on, you got me. – (laughs) – [Tom] Steaming now. (talk over each other) – [Chris] Suited ace for Brian Hastings, good enough for a call. – I’m going to have to loosen up my standards just a little bit.

It does seem hard to believe, doesn’t it? – [Phil] Yeah, Greggy came up to visit me in the Bay Area, Robert. – Did he? – [Phil] I had him on the floor of the Warriors game.

Marc Gasol was at the free-throw line with a minute left in the game, Robert. You can’t make this up. He’s at the free, he’s getting ready to get a rebound, he’s looking over at Greg, like this. – No, really?

– [Greg] Yeah. – That’s pretty cool. – And then I looked at him, cause I thought he was looking at him.

But he was talking to the owner. So I don’t know if he was doing it to me because of him or because of me. – [Robert] Or both. Or both – [Greg] I don’t know.

– [Phil] It doesn’t matter. Either way, it’s really cool. – Hang out with Phil in public, it happens to both, – [Greg] No but it really was, – sometimes Ferguson. – [Greg] it was a tie game, with a minute and a half in the fourth quarter, and there. – [Phil] And he’s looking at Greg going like this. – [Robert] That’s pretty frickin’ funny.

So they were playing Memphis, huh? – [Phil] Oh, the rest of that story – [Greg] Yeah, they were playing Memphis. – [Chris] Russell Thomas checks his two pair back to DePalo. – And the rest of that story, Robert. Mike Miller comes over and says, “Hey, nice to see you, Phil.” Shakes my hand.

He’s throwing the ball in with a minute, two minutes left in the game, and then, “Hey, nice to meet you,” and then he reaches over to shake Joe Lacob’s hand, the Warriors’ owner. Joe says, “I’m not shaking your hand!” And part of me just loved it because he’s so competitive. He’s never beat Memphis. I’m like, “Why didn’t you shake his hand?”

He’s like, “We never beat Memphis.” And then Joe’s girlfriend is saying, “Joe. Mike Miller’s a good guy, he played for Miami.

“We like him.” and Joe’s like, “We never beat Memphis!” So I like that Warrior attitude of his, you know. – Did you buy a boat in Las Vegas, buddy? – Nah.

– Cause I see you out there all relaxed. – We just rented a boat. – On the lake. Yeah? – Yeah.

That lake’s sick. Yeah, that’s my first time every going to it. – You had a good time out there? – Yeah. – [Phil H.] I’ve never done it, in all these years.

– Trevor Pope was out there with Bilzerian’s brother, and they had that jet pack, (everyone exclaims) – That thing looks so cool! – [Greg] Yeah. – Oh, god I’ve always wanted to do that. – And Trevor is like a master on it. He can do all these tricks and stuff, so he took my girlfriend and Chris Klodnicki’s girlfriend for rides on it. – Did you get up?

– Nah. (laughs) Nah. – Sir we’d have to get one with twin engines.

– I went tubing for the first time, and I got blasted. This is a good sight for you guys to picture. – [Chris] 1,200 from Thomas here on the river. – It’s floating in the air on this thing. He’s actually really good, and then he’s doing dolphin dives. Like, Viffer with no shirt on, just floating in the air.

– First of all, that’s a scary thought of Viffer with no shirt, but — – [Greg] And then him doing dolphin dives into the water. – [Chris] Call from DePalo. – [Phil] Are you serious?

He was doing dolphin dives? – Nice hand. – [Russell] Thanks. – We’ve got more from Rams Head Center Stage here at Maryland Live when we return. Poker Night in America is being brought to you by Where the world plays online.

– Welcome back to Poker Night in America. Let’s get back to the action. – [Tom] Two main event winners at this table. – [Chris] Poker Night in America is brought to you by 888poker, where the world plays online. – [Greg] We chopped.

– Chopped and lost. – I mean, how amazing is that? – It’s always if you chop and win, I won. If you chop and lost, I chopped.

– Well, yeah, cause I chopped the 25, the PCA. – [Brian] He had two eight, I had two five. – [Greg] But everyone’s always like, “You got second.”

I’m like, “No. I chopped.” – He had two eight, I had two five, so we agreed on even chop, but he gets the trophy. – Yeah.

Oh you didn’t even run the board? – No. – [Greg] What? That’s stupid.

– [Russell] No, no, no. He had 2.8 million. – [Brian] I had 2.5. – [Russell] Charter had 2.8.

(talk over each other) – Yeah. Almost even, yeah. – [Greg] Oh, cool.

Okay. I see what you’re saying. – [Brian] But he got the trophy. – [Greg] Oh, I thought he was like.

– [Russell] Two eights verse two fives, and then we chopped. – [Chris] Tom Schneider picks up a flush draw on the turn. – [Brian] Picture because he had the jersey on, and I thought that– – [Chris] DePalo is all in.

– [Greg] I didn’t do it every– – Once or twice? – Twice is fine. Yeah, you got anything yet? – [DePalo] I do. – [Tom] Alright, let’s turn ’em up.

– [DePalo] Yeah, Yeah, of course. – [DePalo] Oh, well that sucks. (laughs) – Can I bet on Tom to scoop this?

– [DePalo] Thanks, Greg. I mean, you could vote for the little guy. Vote for the little guy. Alright, that’s good. I’m alive. I’m alive.

– [Tom] Nice hand. – Thank you. – [Chris] Just like that, Phil calls you to double up. – Nice hand, Phil.

– [DePalo] Thank you. Yeah, Greg. What now, huh? – I’m not rooting against you. – [DePalo] Come on, Greg. (laughs) You should have seen me yesterday, man.

I was calling with nothing. This is tighter play today. – [Tom] Oh, my goodness. – [Chris] I wanna see more of Phil Hellmuth and Dumpster Joe going at one another. Am I alone in that fact?

– [DePalo] Breathing life back into me. CPR. – [Chris] Queen for Hastings. – [Robert] You are the doctor.

– [DePalo] I know, it’s funny. It’s an academic doctorate, but I’m still a paramedic, so I guess that counts. Consultology. – [Tom] Tonsil-tology? – [DePalo] Counsultology, you like that? – Is that helping remove people’s tonsils?

– Not tonsil-tology, consultology. Come on. If you’re going to say it on national TV, you gotta say it right. Consutology. – [Tom] Consult?

– [DePalo] ology. – So that’s what you’re a doctor of? – It’s a health care IT consulting firm. – [Chris] My grandfather was also a consultolo, No, he wasn’t. – [Tom] You got a hand? – [Joe] I’m sorry.

– [Tom] No? – [Chris] 800 is the bet from Merson. – [Tom] Do you want a hand? You wish you had a hand. – [Chris] Back to Hastings. – I do too.

I feel so naked without a hand. One more double up before I get on the plane. That’s all I’m looking for. – [Robert] (laughs) Just one more? – [Joe] BWI’s closed down, you’re going on a plane, you said?

Oh yeah, don’t worry about that. – [Tom] Don’t worry about that? – [Joe] Yeah. (talk over each other) – He’s been away from the table about half the time he’s been here, too, but he’s needling you for not going.

– You know what they call that? A cheese walk. – [DePalo] Yeah, no kidding.

(talk over each other) – Talking on the phone, and. – [Chris] Merson’s pressure is unrelenting here, but Hastings is going nowhere. – [Joe] Where you flying to sir?

Tom, where are you flying to? – Phoenix. – [Joe] Oh, Phoenix. – [Chris] Hastings checks.

5,500, the bet from Merson with ace high. – Definitally is now. – [Robert] What are you trying to do, oh my– – [Chris] And Brian Hastings has to let the hand go.

Keeping the pressure up worked in that hand for Greg Merson. – They’re all much better than me now. Cause I travel so much, I don’t get to just play on the computer 70 hours a week, and like dedicate my life to it.

So I can’t beat ’em. – [Chris] Williamson raises it to 250. Gets a call from Joe Butts.

– I’m going to sleep pretty well tonight, I do know that. – [Brian] Truth to that! – [Tom] I don’t think the people next to me are going to enjoy the snoring. – Red Bull will take care of that for you.

Get a couple Red Bulls before you go over. – [Brian] Thanks for the beer, Robert. – [Tom] Thank you, Robert. – [Robert] You’re welcome.